Brief Holiday Report

When asked about my Holiday I normally reply "So So". I enjoyed by holiday but it wasn't brilliant. Couple of reasons for this. Yet again the weather conspired again. After having an extremely hot and sunny July, August was damp and cold. This is now the third year in a row that we have camped and had at best mediocre weather.

The other reason was the campsite wasn't that great either. The pitches were massive and well kept, but the toliet and shower facilities were a bit antiqued and not the cleanest. It didn't help when someone thought it was fun to write graffiti on the walls and they didn't always use a pen. So long and short wouldn't go to that campsite again.

Having said that we did do some good things.

Went to a Fish Restuarant that does traditional fish and chips in Braunton, place called Squires. This place is so good Rick Stein recommends it. Massive pieces of fish and perfectly cooked chips.

Went bodyboarding as often as the weather would allow. Even bought myself a "Shorty" wet-suit. Body boarding is great fun and something for me and the big 2 to do when MrsW and Small W are on the beach. Certainly the beaches round Saunton, Croyde and Woolacombe are great for it. Just need to avoid the surfers, it will hurt if one of them hits you.
Hired some bikes and tag along's and cycled along the Tarka Trail. Fastest trip we had between Braunton and Barnstaple.

Nothing much else to say, except planning next years holiday already. This time it will be in July and at a different campsite - we found a really good one nearby and scouted it out for next year.

Can I go on holiday yet?

Hard week with several software problems to be looked at, sorted and or justified. Took a lot of mental effort on my part but rounded off on Wednesday with Ops accepting one of the builds for operational service. People seemed quite pleased with my performance, explained the issues straightforward and simply to the managers with justifications provided.

Unfortunately it went a bit downhill today, well a lot downhill. My boss discussed my Performance Improvement Plan, which I thought was a bit of a joke really since one of the things he had on it was already completed. Then came the kick in the teeth.

Without warning he then pulled out my apprasial the one he was told not to do!! "We can do this now" he said and proceed to mark my down as a "Basic contributer" on a scale of 1 - 5 where 1 is excellent this is a 4. I was very upset by this. Why are they doing this!! I'm giving the best I can but I'm not well. I could try and make a stink about it but I'm not sure what it would achieve.

Also happened to have an appointment with the Company Doc. Mentioned it to him, he tried to calm me by saying its not the first time the company had pulled this stunt. The company seems to go through a supporting stage then a arse kicking stage in some attemtp to kick-start people. This ain't going to work with me, if anything its going to make it worse.

Came home to a bit of good news. Got an appointment to see the shrink the week after I come back from Holiday. Talking of holiday, just need to survive tomorrow then its 2 weeks off. I can not wait. I need my break

Preventative Shutdown

Work this week has been absolutely manic. There are ugly problems springing up everyway with the test system. I've got about 3 Severity 1 issues to deal with at the one time. From going from the pottering along to giving everything I've got has happened in the blink of an eye.

In the end I think I overcooked things a bit this week. I spent all of Wednesday puttimg a lot of effort into trying to understand a problem and came up with nothing. To make matters worse at the close of play on Wednesday I had 2 Project Managers, 1 Programme Manager and an Engineering manager parked at my desk, trying to work out what we are going to do next. I had a meeting at 9 the following morning and I didn't have any answers to give.

Things weren't helped when I was sent on a wild goose chase by a certain large car parts retailer, that said they had found the piece for my trailer I needed, only to drive to the store that said they had it, to find out they didn't!!! To really cap it off I had a really bad night's sleep on Wednesday.

Went to work Thursday had some breakfast and powered on my laptop. Opened up e-mail and then couldn't bring myself to opening any mail for fear of what it might bring. Started feeling really agitated and walking up and down the corrider for no reason. These are some serious red flags and I decided I wasn't even going to try and battle on. I was going to stop and right there and then. I grabbed one of the bosses and explained the situation to him and left for home.

I was perfectly fine the following day and went to work as normal and it was if nothing had every happened. I did have to have a serious chat with my direct boss about my absence - his problem is knowing whether he can give me anything to taxing out not. I think we came to the conclusion it was one of those things.

Taking the good points from this little episode. I recognised the problem about to happen and did something about it which probably helped keep it to a short "bounce"

Bizarre gifts

Saw my doc this morning. And she wholeheartedly agreed with the company Doc that I should now seek the help of a mental health professional. Fortunately I've got company health insurance and I've been refered to a private consultant so it shouldn't be too long before I get an appointment. We also discussed either upping or changing my medication as I'm still having sleep problems, which mean I tire easily and then lose motiviation/drive. Bit of a vicous circle really.

Forced myself into the gym at lunchtime - only lasted 18 minutes on the tready before I gave up through lack on energy. Did 5 minutes of rowing and that was it. Bit depressing really but as I said yesterday small bits at a time. It was better than no exercise at all.

Got the most bizarre gift from company - we'll everyone did. I work for a large American company that can do anything from a Fuel tank for the space shuttle to Biometric security system. Well I got today a cook book, yes a cook book. Its full of recipes from people from our divisional headquarters back in the States. This raised a laugh, then we started reading some of the recipes, there was Intercontinental Ballistic Breakfast Tacos but our favourite was Squirel Stew. For anyone wondering yes the ingredients list started with 4 Squirels, Now where have I put my shotgun...